The only time my prayers are never answered
is on the golf course.
~Billy Graham

Golf appeals to the idiot and the child in us.
Just how childlike golfers become is proven
by their frequent inability to count past five.
~John Updike

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place
the world is when one is playing golf.
~Robert Lynd

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball,
the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
~Horace G. Hutchinson

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them.
Golf is more complicated than that.
~Gardner Dickinson

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork
the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
~Sam Snead

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
~William Wordsworth

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
~Dean Martin

If you are going to throw a club,
it is important to throw it ahead of you,
down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy
going back to pick it up.
~Tommy Bolt

Man blames fate for other accidents,
but feels personally responsible
when he makes a hole in one.
~Author Unknown

I don't say my golf game is bad,
but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
~Author Unknown

My handicap?
Woods and irons.
~Chris Codiroli

The ardent golfer would play if somebody would
put a flagstick on top of Mount Everest.
~Pete Dye

I'm hitting the woods just great --
but having a terrible time getting out of them!
~Author Unknown